I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
