We're like a lot better than the average bears
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
