your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
