I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My feet surprised me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
