why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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