Where did you get a picture of my penis
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
