Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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