I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Come on in and take your pants off
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