im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
