Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
