Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We're too hungover to prance.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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