I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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