don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
