I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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