Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
