Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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