not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize