I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
