when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
