i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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