Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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