my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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