Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
