Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Found your dick twin last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
