im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
