I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
