suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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