As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We just shotgunned beers for America
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
