It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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