i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
