I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
