Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
