i would punch a child for taco bell
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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