the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sarcasm needs its own font
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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