Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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