You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
