Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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