dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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