i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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