i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
