I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
