even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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