Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
