You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have post one night stand depression
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize