I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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