best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize