youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
