i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
