shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
