You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
