i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
