I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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