Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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