Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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