Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
