You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
