the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So. Much. Porn.
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