After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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