If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
