You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
