I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
