I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
