lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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