If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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