I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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