he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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