White coat. Heels.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
