Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
