You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
