I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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