i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
