all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize