Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
